Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Warning: May cause your kid to ask questions you're not ready to answer.

So last weekend TH was out of town for three days and I had the kids to myself. J and I were snuggled up on the couch watching a movie while Jr. slept peacefully upstairs. Our movie choice that afternoon was The Adventures of Milo and Otis, which we found in the clearance bin at Target for only $4 and from the box looked like a great family movie that we would both like. I vaguely remembered this movie coming out when I was a kid, but somehow had never seen it.

For the most part, I would recommend "Miler and Otis" (as J calls it) to anyone with kids this age. It's basically a live-action film about a cute little orange kitten named Milo and a cute little pug puppy named Otis who live on a beautiful farm and have all kinds of adventures. The entire thing is narrated by a British guy who does a great job doing all the animal voices. J was enraptured as soon as we turned it on, and being the animal person I am, I was enjoying it, too. I didn't realize until later that movies like this should come with a warning label: Contains graphic nature scenes that may cause your kid to ask questions that you're totally unprepared to answer.

The movie started out so innocent -- look, the kitten fell in the stream! Now he's chasing a crab who turns around and pinches his nose! Now he and the puppy are wrestling and licking each other and butterflies and clouds and rainbows... But then it got a little darker, which is not a bad thing but I could tell J was a bit perturbed. At one point the kitten floats down the river and gets lost, and the puppy sets out to find him. Milo (the kitten) spends the night in a spooky forest with a scary foreboding owl stalking him. "This is scary," J said, sounding a little nervous. Next thing you know, the kitten is running and the owl swoops down (in unnecessary slo-mo I might add) and kills a mouse and eats it. Um, okay. J actually screamed at that part. "Why did the owl just break that mouse like that?" he asked. He was covering his ears, which he does when he's nervous/scared. "I don't know," I lied. I asked if he wanted me to turn it off, but he said he wanted to keep watching.

After the scary night in the forest, time passes and the next thing you know, Milo and Otis (who still haven't found their way back to the farm) are grown up, and they now have...girlfriends? With no explanation Milo suddenly has a little white cat hanging out with him, and somehow Otis has found another purebred Pug wandering around in the woods and they've hooked up. A couple of scenes later, the girlfriends are both hugely pregnant...and then they give birth. That's right, the cute little puppy/kitten movie has now turned into my vet school freshman year Reproduction class. Not that I'm against J seeing an animal give birth; actually I think animals are a great way for kids to learn about that sort of stuff. But I was completely unprepared to answer the questions that followed.

J: Why does that dog's belly look like that? What are those things hanging down? (Referring to the multitude of nipples).

Me: She's pregnant. She's going to have babies. Kind of like when my belly was big, when Jr. was in there, remember?

J: (During graphic scene of female dog having contractions and licking herself) What is she DOING? Why is she licking her legs like that?

Me: Um, she's getting ready to have the babies. (Internally: WTH??)

J: (As the dog delivers a steaming puppy that does indeed look like a turd.) She's pooping! Why is she pooping?? Why is she licking the poop? She's eating the poop!

Me: She didn't poop. That's a puppy, she just gave birth. She has to clean it off.

J: Why did she poop out her baby?

Me: (Regretting not pre-viewing this movie) She didn't poop out the baby. It came out of her...um, (telling myself to grow up already) it came out of her vagina.

J: (Eyes bugging) Her what?? What's a pachina?

Me: (Realizing that somehow we've never had this particular discussion.) Um, it's something that girls and mommies have, where babies come out.

J: Why did she poop out of her pachina?

Me: She didn't poop out of--

J: (Putting two and two together) Did Jr. come out of your pachina?

Me: Um....yes?

J: (Thinking about it.) I think you pooped Jr. out of your belly button.

Me: Uh, yeah, pretty much that's what happened. Hey, I think Yo Gabba Gabba might be on...

J: I want to watch Miler and Otis again.


Steph said...

OMG, I am laughing so much I'm not sure if I will be able to type my comments. Cooper is totally into animals so at first I was like, yeah, this would be great for him, until I got to the rest of the movie. I swear I think I watched this as a child but don't remember any of the giving birth, owl killing a mouse, etc. I am so not ready for those conversations with Cooper, and he would ask 8,001 questions about everything too. I am wondering how the conversation is going to go when he asks about the baby coming out of my tummy. I guess I had better prep for that now!

Maria said...

Too funny! Horrifying yet amusing, I will be skipping this one! Thanks for the heads up...pachina, that's my new word for it.

Lindsay said...

LOL - I think a lot of our kiddos are getting to the curious-about-that-stuff age. Especially if they have a little brother or sister to wonder about!

LauraC said...

Seriously I always preview everything for this exact reason! That conversation is HILARIOUS.

Joanna said...

This is a great post. You totally made my day. The questions that 3.75 year olds ask are really, really challenging.

May I suggest that you avoid the Walking With Dinosaurs DVD. The first segment has the mammal family eat their young when their home is invaded. Not someplace I want to go right now.

After Michael had said goodnight to Andy last night, and Andy was walking down the hall, Michael asked "Did I grow out of your belly?" I heard Andy snickering while he walked away.

Heidi O said...

If I wasn't so tired I think I would have had tears of laughter from reading your conversation.

Julie said...

Hilarious!! I am laughing my butt off with the pachina, the pooping Jr out your bellybutton--holy mackerel that is so funny.