Saturday, January 5, 2008

My pitch for a sitcom pilot.

Do you ever have a day where you think that your life could be an episode on a TV sitcom? That was us today -- kind of like an episode of "The Cosby Show," only without the cool brownstone in New York and with more cursing. And more vomit.

(Disclaimer for my mom who I know reads this blog: When I say that there is a lot of cursing, it's true but NONE OF IT IS IN FRONT OF J. Or at least when it is, it's under my breath.)

So I wrote yesterday about how we've had this nasty cold/flu bug and finally it hit J last night. This morning he was coughing and had a runny nose, but was still running around like usual. I started to realize that something was amiss, however, when he was ready for a nap by 9:30am and then stayed asleep for almost 5 HOURS. [Cue audience gasping - need I remind you J is not exactly the King of Napland].

After J got up from his nap, I was doing dishes and suddenly water was flowing out from under the sink cabinets and not from the faucet. You guessed it, major pipe leak in the kitchen sink. So we started pulling out all of the stuff under the sink to investigate. Meanwhile J was quietly, for some unknown reason, opening kitchen drawers behind me. I went to stand up from under the sink and WHAM, gouged my back on the corner of one of these open drawers. (Seriously it drew blood and left a gouge 4 inches long). I had to bite my lip not to scream and scare J so instead I did the Stubbed Toe Dance around the kitchen, only clutching my back instead of my foot. [Cue audience laughter].

About 2 minutes after impaling myself on the drawer, TH and I both heard J...ahem...let loose in his diaper. We both looked at him and suddenly he looked kind of pale and nauseous. So TH picked him up to take him upstairs and change his diaper, when about halfway up I heard TH say, "um, come quick, the baby's vomiting everywhere." I ran up the stairs and OH...MY....GOD....when he said "everywhere" he was not kidding! Poor TH was covered from head to toe in gross curdled milk vomit and it was also all over the stairs and wall. I kid you not, it was the Mt. Vesuvius of vomit. And J kept going, spewing all the way into his room and continuing onto his bathroom floor. [cue hysterical audience laughter].

The sink leak, me gouging my back, and J's vomit explosion all happened within 5 minutes. You tell me, with a good Hollywood writing team (meaning someone probably on strike right now), would this not be a great scene in a sitcom? All we need is some wacky neighbors or something to flesh it out and we're number one in our timeslot.


LauraC said...

Oh you poor thing! That is pretty amazing to have such a great attitude about the whole thing.

The first time Jon traveled and I was alone with the boys, they were 3 months old. They had a vomiting virus and he got on the plane anyway! I will never let him forget that!

The vomiting virus turned into projectile diarrhea. At 3AM, Nate shot poop out his butt across the wall and all over the dresser while I was changing him. I called Jon... AT 3 AM.... and told him to book a flight home.

It would make a great sitcom!

gLobeY said...

Oh Dear God. I am so sorry ya'll are not feeling tip top. Xaelen hasn't yacked yet and let me just say thank jebus. I don't think I can handle that. We did battle this diarrhea thing a few weeks ago. That was bad enough. Nothing worse than our babies getting sick. Hope you're all on the mend soon.

TH said...

Let's not forget that TH was drenched from head to toe (this is not an exaggeration)in ughhhh, milk. How about a little sympathy for he who had to shower? Side note...While J was up-chucking all over me, the stairs, & the wall my mind instantly thought of Linda Blair (minus the whole being demon possessed and the 360 degree head turn thing.